my dating dilemma

Now, this may be because I have suddenly stumbled across a variety of shows and movies with love interests that end up either starting or ending in a painful break up, but the universe has really kept relationships in my face.

After a year and a half of the most painful heart break I have ever experienced over a guy, I have finally gotten to the place in my life where it doesn't hurt anymore, it is only a memory with all the emotions tucked away in a box. Where moving forward seems clearer and does not look like it is full of guilt.

So as this was a big step, and it took a lot of courage, and to be honest I did not even want to date still, I agreed to accompany a guy i've known since middle school.

So here I am, feeling proud that I am planning on going through with it. When all of the sudden, one phone call turned the whole situation around. My future date ended up becoming an mess of emotions with a lot of anger. I spent 8 hours in one night, worrying, getting yelled at, trying to help, comforting, and begging for him not to end his life. Yep, he was suicidal. Well, actually he already was in the process of overdosing from a bunch of pills before he called. So at 2 in the morning he was being rushed to the emergency room to get his stomach pumped. It turned into a manipulation of me having to be with him but also it not being about me. 

Obviously, I am not going on that date.

The last time I was on the phone with someone trying to commit suicide, I was 14 and that whole situation got out of control. 

I felt like I was 14 again. I was angry for being in that place again but also knew I couldn't give up on him. 

But this isn't what this post is mainly about.

I just want to understand why the universe keeps bringing guys in my life the seem great for a day or two then suddenly do a complete 180 and ends in a call of me discovering they are wanking off on the phone saying creepy things. 

YET, when I am completely fine on my own with my cat, the universe does everything in its power to throw everything and everybody in a relationship in my way to flaunt it right in front of my face. 

Please Universe, please bring me a guy who is at least somewhat normal....or british. Yea, make him british. 

I have been watching too many episodes from "I survived" and "48 Hours"


Everyone is out to get me now.

Picture diary of the past 2 weeks.

Snow using me as a human chew toy. Enjoying it as you can see.

Naps. Lots and lots of naps.

First week of school. I am totally in over my head.

Had a very long double shift day at work. Came home like this. 

Went to my best friend Tori's to have our last sleep over before she left for college. Spent some time with her dog Moe, and passed out at 10:30 because I suck. 

Quick lunch shift at work. Then headed to see dad for the first time in a month. (because of camp and school and work being back to back.)

Has been juggling school, cramming 10 months worth of work into 5 so I can graduate by December> AND having a full time job.

On days that I feel over whelmed I sit with my puppy in my lap. But she is now around 17 weeks...starting to have trouble with the whole fitting in my lap thing.

At work, I get board when its slow. So I started drawing tom and jerry on the back of the floor plan sheet. Then the bar tender asked if he could have it, so I gave it to him. So he left it next to his back pack so if wouldn't get wrinkled. 

Well..... someone stole it. 

NOT NICE.

Finally died my hair since after the first week of camp. Only to find out my hair dye I use doesn't stick to my blonde roots very well. Bummer.

This is what I look like when I am waiting for the hair dye to soak in.

and yes, that is a plastic bag.

Look, I have no idea why I don't have a boyfriend either.

Sometimes at school I get overwhelmed with being too tired and having a lot of work. SO I take pictures. Look how my hair blends in with the wall and my skin is the same color as the lamp shade. 

This is the day I discovered that I am in fact a chameleon. 

My 16 week old puppy got excited and smacked her head into my mouth and busted my lip open. This is when the swelling and bleeding went down.

Staying up ungodly hours of the night doing homework, and sometimes not sleeping at all. This was the week I pulled 3 all nighters, and went 4 days with only 10 hours of sleep. Also, two days without eating, twice. (I might die before December.)

my co-workers discuss my hair color

Margarita (server): "No, I think it's hot hot pink. *see's the cook walk by* HULIO!! Okay, don't you think her hair is hot hot pink?!"

*pause*

Hulio (cook): "All I see is a hot hot babe."

tiny children are like little drunk alcoholics, they say exactly what's on their mind

A 6 year old told me that I look chubby.

Welp. Im officially on a diet. 

I'm as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

School started monday

I'm so serious about finishing school by December.
I am more driven than I have ever been and I will do it.

But in order to get this done, I need to get my sleeping schedule in line. So I will be going to bed soon.

Jordan, Its time to start sleeping like a normal person.